Nuance A Shade of Meaning
by Jturtle
Summary: What were Anakin's thoughts at Qui gon's funeral?


Nuance, A Shade of Meaning

Master Qui-gon was dead.

And he couldn't believe it.

Qui-gon, it seemed had been his only hope for becoming a Jedi. Those council people didn't seem to want him at all and Obi-wan seemed to share their view even if he had to go along with what his master said.

The scene in the room was like out of one of the story books his mom used to read to him. A great fire on the pyre in the middle of the room shed the only illumination on the beings gathered loosely around this center point to pay their last respects to the hero whose body was slowly being devoured by the flames. All the faces in the room showed various degrees of remorse and some of pity for the young man who, of all the people in the room, probably took the Jedi master's passing the hardest.

Despite all the assorted beings in the room the young padawan or former padawan had eyes only for his former master, now gone, passed into the Force. To those who didn't know him well they might think that he was merely disturbed, for he had all but perfected the Jedi mask of appearing almost completely impassive. Those who did know him well, however, would look into the depths of those color-changing eyes and see a profound grief. It would be strange to see this young man in such a state of anguish as he was normally filled with a sarcastic sense of humor. The young boy at his side however could have rivaled him for the most in-shock train of thoughts. He still couldn't believe that his hero, his hopefully soon to be mentor was dead. _Dead. _Of all the horrible things that could have happened during the battle of Theed, this was one of the worst possibilities. Anakin thought that there were certainly worse possibilities, such as loosing the battle, and he knew Qui-gon was doing what Jedi were supposed to do but _still. _He remembered the first day he had met Qui-gon. At dinner when he had accused Qui-gon of being a Jedi.

_They had all been sitting around for dinner, slightly amused by the gungan, Jar-jar's actions when Anakin had said, "You're a Jedi knight aren't you."_

_"What makes you say that?"_

_"I saw your laser sword. Only Jedi carry that kind of a weapon," he had replied with conviction._

_"How do you know I didn't kill a Jedi and take it from him?" was Qui-gon's elusive reply._

_"That's impossible. _No one_ can kill a Jedi." _

_Sitting back slightly Qui-gon replied, "I wish tat were so."_

Now the firm reality of it came back to slap him in the face. Jedi _could _die. Jedi _did _die. Even the Jedi he had cared about died. What's to say it wouldn't happen again? He harshly clamped down on that train of thought. Didn't that council say he had too much fear?

He couldn't imagine the thoughts going through Obi-wan's head right now. He knew Qui-gon was Obi-wan's mentor and they had seemed really close. Almost like father and son. He didn't know much about it but he had definitely wanted that kind of closeness with someone. He had his mom but sometimes she didn't really understand about his 'feelings' and some of the things that happened. She also didn't understand his passion for flying.

When he had come back from the main control ship after it's destruction at his hands he had been more elated than he had been in his entire life. Even after he won the Bonta Eve classic. He had been happy to help save Padme's planet but when he had been greeted with the news of Qui-gon's death he had been devastated. He tried like several others to help the anguished padawan but like the others he had been politely, but firmly told that Obi-wan wanted to be by himself to meditate or some other Jedi-like thing.

Anakin looked up at the other occupants of the room and saw similar looks of grief on all the faces present. Padme looked as beautiful as ever, even in the traditional black of mourning. The new Supreme Chancellor of the Republic, Palpatine Anakin thought, was standing next to her. He had an expression of grief though Anakin got the impression that it was not solely for Qui-gon. Perhaps he knew someone who died in the camps? Jar-jar was standing slightly behind the young queen and Anakin supposed he had a sad look on his face, but who knew with a gugan, especially one as usually bouncy as Jar-jar.

The Jedi who had come were several that Anakin recognized form the Council. All had slightly impassive looks on their faces though their eyes spoke of a great shared grief. The rest of the assembled crowd Anakin did not know. His thoughts turned back to the Jedi standing next to him. Turning slightly he asked, "What will happen to me now?"

"You will be a Jedi…I promise."

But it had none of the happy ring Anakin had expected when he had finally been guaranteed training as a Jedi.


End file.
